Chapter 1 of my book, would love some constructive contributions 🙏

Need editing of course but value input?

Chapter 1

The dreams and ambitions for many are innumerable when they decide to write. Some are after an income, others are looking to spread, wealth secrets, religious truths, fitness, health or share victories over life’s temptation to mention a few. I am doing It, just for the love of it. Sounds corny, and hard to imagine if you dislike writing and could not think of anything worse. I love to read and my love of writing and reading was not a birth gift. I was a troubled child at school and very hard to teach anything. I don’t think I ever read a book in its entirety until embarking on a degree at forty. My tertiary education ended up spanning a decade and during this journey I become fond of writing. I am convinced there is healing in writing on so many levels and considering my trauma during childhood and late adolescence it’s no wonder I received so much and continue too. Clearly, like so many I have something worth sharing and familiar to other authors. The fact I can articulate this is wonderful and so rewarding. I am filled with gratitude and often reflect on the wonderful life I now live. I could have continued to lean towards typical choices of a dysfunctional person. I was broken boy, who became a confused man lost in the fog of life. Fog is is a great metaphor, for poor mental health, dysfunction and lost in the vast ocean we call reality and as Australia, an I am sure all over the world we say, “That’s Life.”

How does a person lost in so much fog even navigate the vastness of this beautiful thing we call reality. In truth, many, including me, often it’s about survival, making through a another week in what can seem like hell on earth. I have heard a few men say, “ maybe earth is the hell the Christians talk about.”? When they have said this to me, I could sense the confusion and with my insights know the fog had completely engulfed them. Life does not come with a ready made compass we need to create one. Often the inheritance of such a navigational device, i.e. religion, Cultural traditions, pop philosophy, even ancient text do not avail. We are totally unique and idiosyncratic. We must remember though in a world of fierce individualism, there is a difference in being differentiated and being separate. We share pain individually, but collectively we understand aspects. If we are honest it’s almost supernatural how connected we can feel at times with complete strangers and yet feel lost in our fog in close relationships.

One ideology of monotheistic religions is to promote God loves us and everyone is made in His image. I am not sure about you, but this has been as helpful as, “ everything will be all right” The idea that God loves us is a nice sentiment when all is functioning well and the fog seems clearer. Yet, when it’s dense and almost unimaginable thick, these sentiments offers very little. The Buddhist would encourage more meditation and this ideologically quick fix will cause more fog than anything. Families often are lost for words and friends inevitably run for the hills. This dense fog experience for me was conjured up through injury and undiagnosed Bipolar. My old deceased auntie would say when I was a young adult, “the whole world will laugh with you, Scottie, but know one likes to cry with you.” Clearly, as a young fellow, listening to an alcoholic offering wisdom was comical to say the least. Yet, she had a point in her selfishness, plus self inflicted, and unimaginable suffering offered some wisdom. We all say at times WTF, or what the fuck. Is it simply a cruel joke life or does it have some purpose? If you are like me, you would have said, “ I fucking hope so!”. Truthfully the fog answers the questions falsely for us in our blind state and sadly, many believe it’s real and end their lives often unexpectedly and unexplained.

Clearly my years of involvement and tertiary study around religion, spiritual care and other courses offers insight into many misconceptions and, not surprisingly wisdom, positive and negative. The idea of community is heavily promoted through the two religions I am most intimate with. The enquiries that arise, well it did for me, they seem lost in the fog more collectively at different times than the non religious.

1. What are people still doing here under such dodgy leadership?

2. Do they really believe all this?

3. How could seemingly intelligent people be so absorbed to the degree of putting religious communities before their own families.

4. Entirely too often inclusive is taught, but insular is the reality. Why?

5. Nonviolence is the fundamental teachings, but globally it’s nothing like this?

The list of questions could go on and on. My observations over the years concluded it must be me who does not get it? Inevitably, as my vision cleared, or as Buddha said, Little sand in the eyes,’ I could see they just accept the collective often regardless of the dysfunction and unacceptable behaviour. Considering people’s personal fog. it possibly is unmanageable, it’s not much of an epiphany to see religious institutions collectively completely lost. The institutional wealth and layers of bureaucracy often unmovable and impenetrable in terms of suggestions. Subsequently, we have always done it like this! Story to highlight my point. A man marries a woman, very traditional story and one I have stolen many years ago, so no offence to same sex lovers, and have no clue where I heard it. Anyway the wife cooks a roast dinner, lamb, no good for Vegans like me, she saws the end of the leg. The husband gets inquisitive after a few roasts and inquired why? She has no clue. She told him to ask her mother. She had no clue, and told him to ask her mother who fortunately was alive. She answers him swiftly, “ mum had a small wood oven and a full leg of lamb did not fit!” Well, this simple story, may seem unintellectual or over simplified for complex issues. I think it’s spot on, especially in terms of religious traditions who often could offer so much but tradition tends to block wonderful new experiences and new generational insights.

How did I find any good in religion, especially considering this collectively accepted fog? Imagine me with undiagnosed Bipolar and forgot to mention PTSD? My life was already in the thick of it!

My life from late adolescence up until my final collapse was so dense with fog at times I considered suicide on at least two occasions. My youngest consideration was at twelve years old. I grew up in a country town in Tasmania. Evandale was a topical two pub, one post office and milk-bar, common to era. These days it is labeled a historical town and they annually hold Penny Farthing races in the Main Street which attracts international attention. Many aspect of my childhood sound ideal, however, this incident will shock many. I was the proud owner of a twelve gauge semi automatic Browning shotgun, Belgium made. It was my deceased fathers, I will go into depth more about dad later. This particular firearm was spring loaded. So when loaded if you pushed down on the barrel it would fire. So, crying and inconsolable, not sure why, decided to load it and put it in my mouth. For all you people new to trauma, often the traumatised individuals forget details and sometimes have no recollection. Not even sure why I did not follow through with my plan? Thankfully, my already trouble mum did not have to face that mess. I worked part time at a gun club. One weekend a month, it involved loading clay targets. We sat in a metal box half submerged in the ground. Loaded left handed in case it was fired beforehand. Right hand would have meant serious injury due to the shooter saying, “Pull” and a guy pressing remote button to release target. The huge spring loaded arm operated from right to left. Great job, and payed well. I was handy with a shot gun and knew all to well the damage it would inflict.

My shooting was not limited to targets, my grandfather a life long bushman who loves hunting and sportfishing. He was responsible for my first shot from his shotgun at twelve years old. Trust me at that age, it feels like you fired a cannon. I was regularly invited by the men of the town to help cull Wallaby from local farms. This called for ten dogs at least and a number of shooters. The operation involved two good shots with the dogs in a valley and the rest of us up to a kilometre away on both sides. The wildlife scared half to death run up the gully’s and boom, there I was waiting. I was really proud of myself and shocked, I shot a Wallaby on the run in the head with my trusty old shotgun. Today such a thing would be inconceivable for me. All the same, without judgement, I know many around the world need to hunt to survive from poverty. This was the predominant motivating factors for many Tasmanian’s, especially from my grandfather’s era. Plenty of Wallaby, not so much money to feed large families. Fortunately for me times are different and I have many more alternatives. I opt to survive on a plant based diet. Looking at my upbringing, plant based diet is very unusual and unpacking my radical decisions is worth writing about. I think diet is an extremely foggy area of people’s life style these days. So many fad diets and internet experts. Nutrition has worked into a very profitable industry and sadly lacking integrity and common sense.

Some more about life as a boy surviving in Tasmania, especially Evandale. The foremost and most tragic event was my father’s fatal trench cave -in. I will talk over the challenges and dense fog the event created in later chapters. For now, he was thirty seven and I was eight years old. I remember staying back in grade two because of the death’s impact I concluded. Mind you I asked a close family acquaintance who was in my grade what I was I like? She said, “quite”. She never elaborated much. I was just quite after my father’s dying. My teacher reported that year, “scatter brain performance” clearly in the seventies in Tasmania teachers college did not go into depth about children suffering grief, loss and trauma. It’s fascinating considering the small class sizes and the teachers had you for just about all the classes. Evandale Primary School is still going strong, significantly larger as you would expect than forty two years ago.

My sports back then where cricket and football, with the exception of athletics one a year. I was an enthusiastic and a good little sportsman. My coach and teacher was tough. I still liked him regales of the capital punishment. Surprisingly, he help motivate and encourage my physical abilities. It was nothing for him to throw whatever he had in his hands at students. The chalk black boards had, some great options for him, chalk, and the duster. I have seen him through a whole folder at a boy, he was a bit chatty in class and the folder, hit his head and cause a small cut above his eye. Mind you, that boy went on to be a bully and public nuisance mostly. The cane and strap was used liberally, often no questions asked. The level of anger and frustration in male teachers especially, was disgraceful, in hindsight. Not being the victim here, but a grieving child getting beaten as a young adolescent is horrendous in today’s standards in Australia. This book is great read. Reading has offed healing too, tip, it’s good to read some text book theory. Education offers insights that can set us free from delusions and false belief.

Boeninger and Conger, in Chapter 2, extend this focus on regulatory processes in adolescence by using a self-regulatory perspective to examine a major public health risk for adolescence —suicidality. They identify key self-regulatory processes across behavioural, cognitive-affective, and motivational domains that may put adolescents at risk for suicidality or other maladaptive responses when challenged by difficult life circumstances. The very same self-regulatory processes are likely to shape success in educational, occupational, and romantic pursuits in late adolescence. As Boeninger and Conger elaborate, these pursuits are central developmental tasks of the stage that is increasingly being referred to as “emerging adulthood” (Arnett, 2001 ). These pursuits represent strivings for independence and the attainment of adult social roles as marked by achievements in the realm of work, advanced schooling, and the establishment of a stable intimate relationship. Failure to attain these goals during emergent adulthood is likely to put individuals at greater risk for self-harm, as their study demonstrates.


Adolescence and Beyond Family Processes and Development EDITED BY PAT R I C I A K . K E R I G M A R C S . S C H U L Z AND S T U A R T T. H A U S E R

Copyright © 2012 by Oxford University Press. Published by Oxford University Press, Inc. 198 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016

Children just accept things and in my instance it was capital punishments. You practise your best to behave, but when you are emotionally confused and not held in this pain. The place just gets more confusing. Sadly, nobody I knew back then could discuss how I was feeling about things. More often than not, just farming people and country folk. Absolutely , no school councillors, or people with the tools to assist me. It was simply left to my interpretation. Of course, my interpretation is altogether and utterly in dense fog. Pain, nightmares, and I was an inconsolable child at times. My label was naughty, I have been naughty according to primary care gives and teachers. Nobody, back then considered the matters they take for granted now in terms of care. The church and the Christian religion have been responsible for the corporal punishment and the ideological nonsense around kids being born sinful in terms of “ The Fall Of Man” theology, you can study up on this yourselves.

Discipline is necessary for good upbringing, as in She lets Richard get away with anything—spare the rod, you know . This adage appears in the Bible (Proverbs 13:24) and made its way into practically every proverb collection. It originally referred to corporal punishment. It is still quoted, often in shortened form, and today does not necessarily mean physical discipline.

Today it may not be in main stream society or progressive Christian churches, however, I can assure you fundamentalist still hold every verse, chapter and word in the bible as Gods word adherence is applauded, of course it is mostly cherry picked to the sermons or ideological nonsense they are trying to peddle. You do not need to look far to find someone peddling theological, and apparent biblical precedence.

Quote from article in his conclusions, he commended a nineteen fifties approach..

“The primitive rigour of the Book of Proverbs is repudiated by modern manners. Not only in domestic training, but even in criminal law, people reject the old harsh methods, and endeavour to substitute milder means of correction. No doubt there was much that was more than rough, even brutal, in the discipline of our forefathers. The relation between father and child was too often lacking in sympathy through the undue exercise of parental authority, and society generally was hardened rather than purged by pitiless forms of punishment. But now the question is whether we are not erring towards the opposite extreme in showing more tenderness to the criminal than to his victim, and failing to let our children feel the need of some painful discipline. We idolise comfort, and we are in danger of thinking pain to be worse than sin. It may be well, therefore, to consider some of the disadvantages of neglecting the old-fashioned methods of chastisement (1950, 9:258-259).”

No, I was not brought up with Christian fundamentalism, however, the adults where fifties children and the fabric of Australia society was heavily influenced by the church and especially the parents of these children, who predominantly beat them regularly. I know from the stories my grandparents told and great uncles and aunts. I hold a degree in Theology, and post graduate diploma in pastoral care. In my time as a student in a theological college, I listen to some of the so called Christian discussion on this identical issue. Two words come to mind, “fucking disgraceful” I don’t require a historian to figure out this cultural disgrace. Let’s not get started on how the indigenous were treated by Christian people, churches and locals in Australia during the former days. Even so today, in many ways everything has changed and nothing has, what a challenge for so many indigenous people. Many children like me still suffering from corporal punishments. It’s behind close doors nowadays of course. The laws have changed but the behaviour lives on for so many.

My mother was only twenty six when my father died and eighteen when she gave birth to me. My sister is a year younger. This is problematic on so many levels and will be discussed in more details. However, this book as mentioned is a great resource.

‘Mothers who transition early to parenthood are more likely to have negative outcomes as they emerge into adulthood and they are more likely to adopt more negative parenting practices in their interactions with their children (e.g., Moore & Brooks-Gunn, 2002 ; Wakschlag & Hans, 2000 ). Given that parents who are more stimulating and supportive in their parenting have children with more positive cognitive and socioemotional developmental outcomes (Bornstein, 2002 ), understanding what factors facilitate the development of parenting competence among young mothers is important and may inform interventions serving this population. One way in which young mothers diff er from older mothers is that they are still negotiating age-appropriate developmental tasks such as individuation from one’s family of origin. Th us, this chapter uses quantitative and qualitative data to examine the link between young mothers’ individuation from their own mothers and their ability to parent their preschool-aged children’


Adolescence and Beyond Family Processes and Development EDITED BY PAT R I C I A K . K E R I G M A R C S . S C H U L Z AND S T U A R T T. H A U S E R

Copyright © 2012 by Oxford University Press. Published by Oxford University Press, Inc. 198 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016

© 2019 Scott R Wilson All Rights Reserved

3 thoughts on “Chapter 1 of my book, would love some constructive contributions 🙏

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