Why talk about my Bipolar and why tell the truth about it?

My regular readers know I have bipolar disorder, type 1.

Facts 1

  • I don’t smoke
  • I don’t drink
  • I am vegan
  • I am not aggressive
  • I have never committed a crime
  • I don’t use illegal substance
  • I am not a public nuisance
  • I have no sex addiction
  • I don’t do crazy things and blame my mental health
  • I am not over or underweight

Facts 2

  • I do suffering social anxiety
  • I often struggle to sleep
  • I do get manic
  • I take legal pharmaceuticals to help me manage my life better
  • I can be obsessive
  • When nervous, I talk to much
  • I see a psychiatrist regularly
  • I was hospitalized for a week once

Facts 3

  • I was in the Australian Navy, trained to serve on submarines.
  • I operated and owned a painting and decorating business for many years
  • I drove trams here in Melbourne.
  • I worked as a postman.
  • I no longer work these days in organisations.

What am I saying, I am exactly like everyone.  No, I am not like most average people,  because my mood is unmanageable without medication due to an illness , mood disorder Bipolar.

Mental illness is can be extremely debilitating, even dangerous if untreated. Yes, mental illness, can be lethal when not handled correctly. In terms of killing the mentally ill person nine times out ten, mental health kills the suffering individual way more than Him/her harming others. You can explore this fact yourself, it is true, we are harmless generally speaking! I am not talking about forensic facilities or chronically unwell individuals. I am talking about your uncle, aunt, brother or sister and me. Who are just struggling along.

And then next time you have a friend who is suffering remember they require your love and understanding more than your advice or fear of the unknown, fear is lack of knowledge mostly. The time you spend with mentally ill persons you will gain valuable lived experiences. I spent a couple years volunteering in mental health advocacy work. You soon realize how lonely many of us are, family, friends and work mates are often too scared to visit or not sure what to say when someone is admitted to a mental health facility.

Remembering no question is silly in love, things like how does it feel to be manic? Or what does you sadness feel like? Listening and asking open ended caring, good questions help us all, not just people unwell. Being reliable and with a level transparency and vulnerability helps people feel cared for. I am recovering from PTSD too, nightmares and the flight or battle modes are tiring. Thank god my nightmares ended! I will do a post about that journey someday.

For today, remember mental health maybe invisible, however, just as a crippling as other visual disabilities. The stigma is terrible and putting all mentally unwell people in a box is plain brutal and ignorant. It’s like saying all Germans are like Hitler, absurd, I have met many beautiful german people. However, all countries have their bad guys and we must remember to open our minds to other possibilities.

The Buddhist teach a lot about delusional thoughts. At time our minds close or we become set on an idea, convinced, it is how it is, then we miss out. Frequently we are scared of suffering and mentally ill people repeatedly remind us of the mind’s capacity to inflicted torment. Maybe the teaching below might serve you, like it helped me in my suffering.

source Buddha.net

SUFFERING AND SELF-VIEW

It is important to reflect upon the phrasing of the First Noble Truth. It is phrased in a very clear way: “There is suffering”, rather than “I suffer”. Psychologically, that reflection is a much more skilful way to put it. We tend to interpret our suffering as “I’m really suffering. I suffer a lot – and I don’t want to suffer.” This is the way our thinking mind is conditioned.

“I am suffering” always conveys the sense of “I am somebody who is suffering a lot. This suffering is mine; I’ve had a lot of suffering in my life.” Then the whole process, the association with one’s self and one’s memory, takes off. You remember what happened when you were a baby…and so on.

But note, we are not saying there is someone who has suffering. It is not personal suffering anymore when we see it as “There is suffering”. It is not: “Oh poor me, why do I have to suffer so much? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to get old? Why do I have to have sorrow, pain, grief and despair? It is not fair! I do not want it. I only want happiness and security.” This kind of thinking comes from ignorance which complicates everything and results in personality problems.

To let go of suffering, we have to admit it into consciousness. But the admission in Buddhist meditation is not from a position of: “I am suffering” but rather, “There is the presence of suffering” because we are not trying to identify with the problem but simply acknowledge that there is one. It is unskilful to think in terms of: “I am an angry person; I get angry so easily; how do I get rid of it?” – that triggers off all the underlying assumptions of a self and it is very hard to get any perspective on that. It becomes very confused because the sense of my problems or my thoughts takes us very easily to suppression or to making judgements about it and criticising ourselves. We tend to grasp and identify rather than to observe, witness and understand things as they are. When you are just admitting that there is this feeling of confusion, that there is this greed or anger, then there is an honest reflection on the way it is and you have taken out all the underlying assumptions – or at least undermined them.

So do not grasp these things as personal faults but keep contemplating these conditions as impermanent, unsatisfactory and non-self. Keep reflecting, seeing them as they are. The tendency is to view life from the sense that these are my problems, and that one is being very honest and forthright in admitting this. Then our life tends to reaffirm that because we keep operating from that wrong assumption. But that very viewpoint is impermanent, unsatisfactory and non-self.

“There is suffering” is a very clear, precise acknowledgement that at this time, there is some feeling of unhappiness. It can range from anguish and despair to mild irritation; dukkha does not necessarily mean severe suffering. You do not have to be brutalised by life; you do not have to come from Auschwitz or Belsen to say that there is suffering. Even Queen Elizabeth would say, “There is suffering.” I’m sure she has moments of great anguish and despair or, at least, moments of irritation.

The sensory world is a sensitive experience. It means you are always being exposed to pleasure and pain and the dualism of samsara. It is like being in something that is very vulnerable and picking up everything that happens to come in contact with these bodies and their senses. That is the way it is. That is the result of birth.

Many blessings and to all my regular reader, thanks and lots of love Scott 🙏

I thoroughly enjoy writing and find it relaxing. I live in Ocean Grove, Victoria, Australia.

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